A month ago my eldest waved farewell as he set off to S E Asia at the start of his gap year. This was swiftly followed by my youngest moving to a new boarding sixth form, courtesy of a scholarship that enabled him to pursue his love of theatre combined with academics. Big deal right? – Loads of teens have packed their boxes and headed off to the land of Uni leaving behind parents who are proud, if a little bewildered at the loss of their offspring to pastures new. Well, here’s the thing. For as long as I can remember there have always been three of us at home.. The comings and goings of two teenage boys and their respective timetables have at times led me to wail with frustration. My calendar was mapped out for months ahead with activities and key dates that translated into a weekly planner where there was just about enough time to do a grocery shop. For anyone with a sporty or dance mad kid you’ll know what I mean. Mon was ballet, Tues tap, Wed piano & singing, Thurs tap and Fri huge sigh of relief — oh wait Sat and Sun company intensive training. Add school drop-off’s, pick-ups, exeats and half terms and suddenly your year planner is blocked out. I knew that at some stage in my life the time would come when my fledglings would fly the nest. ‘You’ll have so much time on your hands’ friends would exclaim when it was announced that both boys would be heading off. ‘Poor you’ (cue pulled droopy face) others would drawl in a ‘there, there’ tone…’How about getting a cat?’. How about no.
I know the months ahead may not all be child’s play, but for anyone living alone and finding themselves in a similar situation to me here are my early top tips. More will follow over time of that I am sure:
- It’s ok to feel sad, fed-up, lonely, wistful. Acknowledge and accept what you’re feeling and be kind to yourself. Everyone is different and it takes time to readjust.
- Don’t fill your diary up with activities just for the sake of getting out of the house. Take some time to figure out what you really want to do and listen to your soul.
- Embrace the new freedom! Sure there are bleurgh moments but – I’ve found – that there is a teensy weensy trickle of excitement that I can do what I like after work! For me so far that has meant picking up my swimming and catching up on films and TV programmes I’ve just not had time to watch in the past. I’ve also installed a nocturnal nature camera to watch my resident hedgehogs and visiting wildlife.
- Do have some set times to speak to said offspring at mutually convenient times and stick to it. It doesn’t help either party to constantly message or call. They need to settle into their new life routine just as much as you! And make sure you have something to talk about that interests them when they do call. No wailing now mum’s and dad’s :-0
- Do have some treats, dates planned in your diary – that gives you a focus. I’ve found that planning a weekend meal/trip out/ cinema with my partner or with friends and choosing a new recipe to try have all helped to give me something to look forward to at the end of the week. For those couples that live together this may seems strange and everyday but for me it’s a little perk to focus on.
- Make a list of all the jobs in the garden or home that you can get a quick satisfaction ‘hit’ from and tick off the list as you go. Baby steps. I’m loving a tidy laundry for once!
I am still to get used to the deafening quietness when I come home. But slowly and surely I am finding a new norm.
Not long til half term…best I get baking…
Prosecco Patty 