Goddam it I’ve used the ‘B’ word already! In the style of BBC Radio’s ‘Dead Ringers’ Bad Boris – whaaaahaaa whaaaa come on you lovely lot lets crack on, get the job done by Hallowee’n, demolish that hard backstop and celebrate with a ‘toff’-ee apple or two whaaa whaaa… Less than a week in office and our new flaxen haired PM is doing the rounds of the girls in the Scottish and Irish villas in the hope of getting through the next round of voting. Alas it could all go Ellie-Belly up if he fails to get his foot in the door at Casa Amour – guarded by the rippling rhetoric of EU Chief Negotiator Michel Barnier… Wonder if he’ll do a U Turn and offer an olive branch a la Amber?..

OK OK hands up I’ve been sucked into the fantasy land of Love Island and helped to boost this season’s record breaking viewing figures of ITV 2’s reality game show. Last nights final saw Greg and Amber – Gamber- canter up behind Tommy, Mollie and snatch the winning pot of £50K…I’ve never seen such ‘true’ shocked faces of the winners and ‘fake’ full smiles of the losers..but hang on chappies – just moments before the winning couple were announced did you not decry you’re undying love regardless of the outcome? You entered the Villa to find £50k in your bank account – err sorry typo – err love of your life and you are all sooo excited to see what sponsorship deals, modelling contracts and TV fame shows you are offered… no no I mean see what the future holds for you as a couple…my arse! As entertainment reflects life I can’t help but think Love Island and Our Island are intricately linked. Love on the rocks on both sides of the Channel, fake partisanship and back-stabbers; divorce bill v 25k winners split and a sharp, hard exit from those that find themselves on the losing end of a manufactured relationship . And unless our Boris can whoo the Scottish Minister I doubt they’ll be any salmon’s jumping into our Island pool…The Love Island pool may be closed until next Season but voting is now open via the polls for you to choose your favourite couple when Parliament returns right after the summer break ….