They say you can tell a lot about a person by the books that they read. My current selection is a mix of old and new – the fabulous Susan Jeffers’ ‘ Fear the fear and do it Anyway’; ‘A Pinch of Nom’ cookbook; ‘The Fast 800’, a bedside novel that deals with taboo and assumed identity -Lottie Morgan’s gripping ‘Kiss Me First’ and Ant Middletons ‘First Man In’. It would appear that my inner Ninja is in need of a reboot . Which is why I recently found myself signing up for an open day ‘ try before you buy’ session at a local gym. For those of you that know me you will recall that occasionally I come into contact with the beautiful one – aka Ms Yahyah and her equally enhanced pal Ms Fabulous Dahling while out shopping. Well on this particular occasion I had donned my best M&S joggers and T -and took the plunge to book in for a couple of ‘taster’ sessions. I should have known by spotting YahYah and Fabulous D stretching out their co-ordinated Varley athleisure in the changing room (athleisure! – gotta love this terminology and how the leisure wear industry has re-branded itself! ) that perhaps I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I head to the highlighted studio, look around to see what the others are doing and set myself up with a mat at the back. I do not need a front view mirror to see if I am doing it right. And I don’t need to view my ample selection tumble over my knees thank you much! Cut to it – instructor comes in calls out a register of regulars and looks at me. ‘Have you booked this particular class ? she enquires. ‘No? Well I’m sorry but we’re full today. Speak to reception and they’ll find something for you’. – the irony here is that it’s a massive studio with a handful of people. Back I go to reception. Ten minutes later I find myself perched on a bike waiting for a virtual ride. Given I’m late to join this class the instructor (fit as) (sorry hormonal) (not sorry he was!) asks me to ‘just shout out your details and I’ll get you set up from here’ Age blah.. height…weight – seriously?!..my face is already crimson and I’m sweating, aware that bike number 9 is now the centre of attention. The girl next to me pulls an ‘aww’ expression – you know – the look reserved for the bewildered that try hard but obviously are a tad out of their depth. Music starts and off we go..that’s it ..c’mon push it ladiezzzzz,,bike number 9 – pedal faster…watch the screen and follow the hill in blue,,,now red,,now turn that dial UP UP UP and RISE….Yes yes..bike number 9 STAND UP and feel that burn. oh god. My thighs are on fire. I think I’ve peed myself a bit getting up so fast (no tena lady here!) I can’t breathe and I need to get off this not so merry go round of barking up and down. I’m out of breath, out of pace and out of tune with the rest of the group. I stand up they sit down. I sit they stand. I know how my beloved dog must have felt at puppy training all those years ago. After what seems an eternity the Bark Master announces we into cool down and the torture is over. I can hardly raise myself off the bike to get off and feel a bit wobbly. Nothing new there save my legs are usually OK. The girl next to me smiles as she moves to pick up her bag -‘there’s a beginners class you could try instead of this one’ she informs me. What?! FFS I thought this was the beginners! I say silently in my head. ‘Oh yes…good idea..thanks’ I mumble instead. As I exit the studio I see a table has been set up with healthy snack bites and water. Desperate for a drink – My water bottle downed during cooldown – I guzzle 3 cups one after the other then think sod it – may as well try the healthy bite. I take a mouthful. It’s not nice. In fact it doesn’t taste right at all. I look for a tissue. Non. Hmm. I spit it out into my empty cup. At that moment Yah Yah and Fab D appear at the stairs next to to the table and give a look of disapproval in my direction. ‘Tsk Tsk,,they still haven’t cleared this away from Mon night..honestly why they need to put fat food out for the hefties is beyond me.’ ‘Dahling you’re sooo right…this place is losing it’s edge.’ I put my cup in the bin and scuffle past them to the stairs. And depart. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway – oh yes. Tick.
Which leads me to a rethink. And a spate of recipe and motivational books. Now I don’t know if any of you are similar but I genuinely feel healthier by just having read what other people have done. A sort of virtual mindfulness retreat where you don’t actually go anywhere you just love looking at all the lovely photo’s of well organised homes in nude tones with accents of blush pink in the bedroom and azure blue in the kitchen. Nice. I read all the lovely recipes and turn straight to the baking section to see what healthy cakes are on offer. I can’t decide whether to have a pinch of all or try a 5:2 or go all out for an 800. Maths isn’t my strong point so at the moment I’m on the hover. I will give one of them a go and let you know how I get on.
On a final note well done to all the parents and students out there currently sitting GCSE’s and A Levels. We are in the home stretch now with one week to the finish line. I’m off to make some energy balls and carrot cake minus the cream cheese frosting. That’s healthy right? 🙂
Prosecco Patty 